The other day, it was 115 degrees here in Phoenix and my family and I were planning to head over to a friend’s house to go swimming. As luck would have it, we were going to be at their house over the dinner hour.
These friends are awesome people but if there was an opposite of Primal, that’s what they’d be. Almost everything they eat comes from a box. They don’t care about ingredients, or gluten, or sugar. They have bowls of Hallowe’en candy out on their kitchen counter all year long. There is nothing in their house that I can eat in good conscience.
Before we went over, they suggested that we order pizza in for dinner, completely forgetting that we don’t eat restaurant pizza. The only stuff I had in the fridge were chicken dinner leftovers. I tried to imagine my children being asked to eat chicken and spinach while their peers chowed down on delivery pizza. Not happening.
My Primal brain went into survival mode. What restaurant could we get food from that our friends would eat, our children could eat and that wouldn’t make us sick? Somewhere where we could all make our own choices, instead of sharing something large? It came to me suddenly – McDonald’s.
That’s right — McDonald’s, the king of fast food garbage. You’re probably thinking I’d order a salad, right? Dead wrong. McDonald’s salads are nasty. No one goes there for salad. They go there for burgers and fries. Is the meat grass fed and organic? No. But it’s meat; 100% beef, in fact, with no fillers, additives or extenders. The “cheese” is actually made from milk. I’m not saying it’s good for you, as it does have emulsifiers and additives, but it doesn’t have gluten and it isn’t made from soy oil. Surprisingly.
I looked in the freezer and saw that I had one portion of my Magical Primal and Paleo Dough left. We needed to leave in 30 minutes. The dough was still frozen. I literally popped it in the microwave on the defrost setting for three minutes on each side while the oven preheated. Once it was thawed, I kneaded it a little, formed hamburger bun shapes and chucked them in the oven.
Then I went upstairs to get ready. (Did I mention I wasn’t even dressed at this point?)
When the oven timer went off 20 minutes later, I was ready to go and so were the buns. I took them out of the oven and was so pleased with myself that I took some pictures:
I wrapped them loosely in tin foil and we hit the road.
A couple hours later I sent my husband out to pick up our dinner. My order: a quadruple Quarter Pounder with cheese, wrapped in lettuce, no bun, no ketchup. (Apparently, the chaos caused by the order of a quadruple Quarter Pounder without a bun was hysterical. The manager needed to be summoned. They looked at my slender husband like he was going to have a heart attack on the spot. I’m surprised they didn’t make him sign a waiver. The “chef” in the back of the kitchen shouted out to him, “You do know where you are, right?” Although temporarily thrown by a custom order, the staff finally managed to pull it together. Kudos to them.)
He got back to our friend’s house; I sliced open the buns (which were super soft inside) and created our own burgers.
Asking for the burgers wrapped in lettuce meant that we actually had something green in there — an unexpected bonus. My eyes were a little bigger than my stomach. Unlike wheat buns, these buns are loaded with fat and are so filling that I could only eat one burger.
Even our non-Primal friends were impressed, although I could tell they were a little afraid we were going to get coronary heart disease. Aah, to be young and misinformed again. Silly rabbit, meat doesn’t cause heart disease.
Is this whole post a shameless promotion for my latest recipe, which I have the audacity to charge money for? Partly. It’s also partly to show you that is possible to eat a Primal meal at a fast food joint, and not have to (once again) be the person who orders a plain hamburger patty and eats it with a fork. All you need is 30 minutes and an oven. It’s also partly a chance for me to share the new graphics I’ve designed, which I’ve included below. Part of my pro-Paleo campaign. Please share to your heart’s content.
Next week, I’ll be telling you how I eat at Red Lobster. I’ll give you a hint, it involves bringing my own butter.